Oh, I so wanna be freshly pressed. Please Oh please press me Mrs. WordPress! I will be a good blogger, I swear. I’ll smile a lot, I’ll write answers to comments, I’ll comment on my comments on your comments, I’ll link back aplenty and send loads of likes to fellow bloggers, I will be so overly thankful and emotional about it, you won’t have to regret your choice. I will swimsuit and world peace you like a beauty queen in the last round of Miss America.
Being Freshly Pressed is like winning the lone blogger’s equivalent of an Oscar for Best Director. Suddenly, everybody has time for your thing, everybody has got something really nice and supportive to say about your quirky little stories; “Likes” are pouring down from the bottom of your post like a waterfall of hugs, nods and backslaps. Now I seriously would like to thank the Academy.
This post includes a Bonus Wall of Likes to embed into your next post.
What gets you there is a question to which I don’t have a clear answer. But let’s take a look at today’s selection. I see definite trends.
I considered reporting unbearably cute yet strikingly true anecdotes about the kids I don’t have.
I considered sharing really decadent homey recipes that I can’t cook.
I considered blogging really cool bits about my trip to end of the world and back except for the fact that I never leave my couch.
In my darkest hour, I did take semi nude pictures of my girlfriend thinking that I would adorn the front page with them to lure in Mr. or Mrs. WordPress. Turns out I am not much of a photographer and my girlfriend hated the pictures, forbid me to use them and also hasn’t talked to me ever since.
Thinking of it, I should also consider chronicling my life as a lovable loser. The trick is to have a string of slightly self-deprecating anecdotes to share. You need to sound like a decent fellow who’s currently hitting a bump in the road. Your hopes and the perspective of final redemption will provide the dramatic undertone that commands attention. If you appear too desperate, though, you’ll come across as creepy. But with the right mix of humor, non life-threatening inadequacy, quirky takes on everything from indie rock to the laundromat, you’ve got yourself a gig.
None of the above really worked for me, though.
I am a big fan of the personal leadership stuff, the awe-inspiring pictures, the fashion and book reviews, the magical insights and the great lives of my fellow bloggers. Alas, none of that kind of stuff is flowing out of me naturally.
So you may ask, why do I even blog? I have always been passionate about books and writing but never found in me enough ideas, enough drive or simply put – talent – to ever approach the realm of literature.
Now, in my own lifetime, publishing went from being a rare and long journey paved with agents, editors, printing presses and advertising executives to a simple click on WordPress. A Pandora’s box of half-baked opinions, fleeting impressions, instant poetry and minute-maid philosophy suddenly opened. At the bottom of it were the hopes of millions. And I am right there with them. I can be part of something greater than me.
I offer this blog for the world to squeeze. It documents the tiny adventures of my mind in other people’s books, my bumper-sticker wisdom, the circular travels of my memory, the diminutive saga of my interest in anything French and mostly, my recent work as a translator of “Make It Big in the USA Just Because You Are French .”
The blogosphere is a nice big juicy fruit. Squeeze it Baby!